Serial Play--entry #9: Final installment

GARY (picking up the wine bottle)
More wine?

LORI
I’m good.

ALEX
Gary, maybe you should—

GARY (pouring the rest of the bottle into his glass)
I’m fine.

ALEX (turning to Lori)
We have not had the best experience so far.

LORI
Are you thinking ours is good?

ALEX
No, that’s not what I’m saying. But at least yours didn’t get started.

LORI
What do you mean?

JENNIFER (understanding immediately)
Oh gosh! (she looks to Gary who isn’t really engaging in the conversation) Oh, I’m so sorry.

LORI
What? What are you sorry about?

JENNIFER
Lori, please. Show some respect.

LORI
I’d be happy to show whatever they need if I knew what happened. (to Alex) What happened?

(Alex looks across the table at Gary who nods but doesn’t really engage with the conversation for the duration of Alex’s next speech. He just kind of stares off into space.)

ALEX
Like I said before, Gary’s the one who really wanted to have a baby. He wanted it to be his biological child.

LORI
But I thought you said it was your sperm.

ALEX
That’s what we’re doing now.

LORI
I’m so confused.

ALEX
Gary and I spent about a year searching for a surrogate mother to carry the child. We worked through one of these agencies we found online. It was almost a joke at first. I mean we literally typed in “finding a surrogate mother” and up came like four different websites and we just clicked on the first one. We registered, went through all of the paperwork and evaluations and checks, and then started the process of reviewing potential candidates. We finally found a surrogate with my skin tone and hair color, because we wanted the baby to look like both of us somehow, and we flew out to Nevada to meet her.

JENNIFER
Nevada?

ALEX
Yeah, once you register and state your preferences, the surrogate can be anywhere. I mean think about it. None of us have to be there while the baby is developing.

JENNIFER
Got it.

ALEX
So we met her. We liked her. She had done this before for three other couples, two of them gay, and we felt like she was the right kind of match. We checked her references—

LORI
Your surrogate had references?

ALEX
Yeah. We were hiring her to carry our child, so we checked her references.

LORI
I never would have thought about it.

ALEX
Her references checked out, so we made the second appointment to fly to Nevada so Gary could provide the sperm. That was last year around this time.  We flew out on a Thursday, Gary provided the sample on Friday morning, we spent the weekend getting to know the surrogate a bit more, flew back, and a week later, we got the call that she was pregnant.

JENNIFER
First try?

ALEX
First try. Like I said, she’d done it three times before, and apparently she’s quite fertile.

LORI
I’ll say. Cheers to you Gary.

ALEX
So the pregnancy was going well. First trimester tests came back fine. We flew out to see her—

JENNIFER
What’s her name?

GARY (looks up from his glass)
Kerry

ALEX
We flew out to see Kerry, and she looked great. Flew back, things continued to be fine. We started to look for another apartment, cause we thought this one would be too small. We needed another room for the baby.  Comes time for the second trimester tests, and Gary asks that they make sure to check for Hurler Syndrome in this screening.

LORI
What’s Hurler Syndrome?

(Alex looks at Gary, who doesn’t answer.)

ALEX
Uh, it’s a rare genetic disorder. Severe. Most kids with it don’t survive past the age of 10.

JENNIFER
Dear God.

ALEX
Heart disease, hearing loss, progressive lung disease, progressive mental disability—

GARY
Alex…?

ALEX
Sorry.  Uh…suffice it to say, it’s unpleasant. For the parents, for the child.

LORI
And how did you know to test for this? I’ve never even heard of it.

ALEX
Gary had a cousin who had it. He lived to the age of 7. Gary was 15 when he died, so he saw the whole thing from birth to when little Jack died.

GARY
It was awful…

LORI
So you guys tested and the baby was positive for this, this Hurlers Syndrome? Is that what happened?

ALEX
Yes.

(There’s silence.)

JENNIFER
So what did you do?

ALEX
Well, obviously we don’t have the baby.

JENNIFER
But did she carry the baby to term?

GARY
No, Jennifer, Kerry did not carry the baby to term.

JENNIFER
Did she miscarry? Can the syndrome end in miscarriage?

(Gary and Alex look at each other.)

ALEX
She did not miscarry.

JENNIFER
Then what happened to the baby?

GARY
We terminated the pregnancy.

(Jennifer is clearly shaken by this news. She gets up from the table and moves away from the group. Lori doesn’t even notice.)

LORI
Oh my God. Oh my God, I am so sorry.  We are so sorry. Here I am talking like my life is awful, and you two had to--  My God…

ALEX
It’s alright.  How were you supposed to know?

LORI
Why didn’t you say anything about this when we met before? We talked about so many things that night. So many life and death things.

ALEX
Uh, well, Gary and I don’t really talk about it. We decided after it happened that it is a very private matter, and we agreed that it wasn’t something that we wanted to share with anyone. It’s a little different now, because we’re starting over. With my sperm. And plus you’re trying too, so it seems like the right moment to share the story.

GARY
I still want a child, but I just feel better that Alex is fathering the baby. I can’t go through that again.

ALEX
We’re trying to work with the same surrogate, so she and I are both going through tests right now to see if there’s anything else we should be aware of in terms of our genetic histories.

LORI (to Gary)
But didn’t you do that already?

GARY
I did. But Hurler Syndrome isn’t something that genetics test necessarily look for unless you request it specifically. I knew I was a carrier, so I requested it. Kerry had no idea she was carrying it.  All of her other pregnancies have been fine.  She’s carried for three other people, and she has a child of her own.

LORI (to Jennifer)
We really need to check this out.

(Jennifer does not answer.)

ALEX
There’re so many possible genetic diseases, it’s really hard to know anything for sure. We’re just so relieved that there’s a test at all.

LORI
Have we gotten all the genetic information on these three donors that we’re looking at?

JENNIFER
I don’t know.

LORI
I’ll make the call on Monday morning.

JENNIFER
I just don’t understand.

LORI
Honey, it happens. To lots of couples. It’s just good that Gary knew to ask for the test so that they didn’t—

JENNIFER
How could you terminate the pregnancy? I mean, how could you do that?

LORI
Jen, I think you should—

ALEX
What are you talking about?

JENNIFER
How you could you just terminate the pregnancy like that?

GARY
Look, Jennifer, I don’t think that’s a very fair question given what we knew—

ALEX
How could you even ask that question? Do you think we just came to some easy decision about this? Like Gary called me up and said, “Oh, our baby’s going to have massive physical and mental disabilities. Let’s just trash that one and start over.” Is that what you think we did?

JENNIFER
I didn’t say that. I just don’t understand how you simply aborted the child. Those tests are predictors, not conclusive.

LORI
If they’re not conclusive then why do them?

JENNIFER
Because they can help you prepare for the child.

ALEX
How does anyone prepare for a child with that many problems?

JENNIFER
I don’t know that, but I do know that I wouldn’t terminate the child.

LORI
How can you say that?

JENNIFER
I just know I wouldn’t do it. It’s wrong.

ALEX
Please don’t start with a holier than thou position on this now too. You really piss me off with this attitude.

JENNIFER
Is my attitude “holier than thou” because you don’t agree with it?  Is that it?

LORI
Jennifer, stop it.

JENNIFER
No, I want to know. Is that why? Because you don’t agree with my position?

GARY
I think what Alex is trying to say is that the decision was an awful one for us to make, the most difficult one I ever made, and it’s been very upsetting for all of us.

JENNIFER
What did Kerry want to do?

ALEX
Kerry was in complete agreement with the decision. It’s why we’re trying with her again. And if she wasn’t in complete agreement, she was working for us. We hired her to carry the baby.

JENNIFER
Yeah, but it was her egg, right?

GARY
Yes, which is why we included her in the decision-making process.

JENNIFER
That’s very big of you.  To include the mother of the child. 

GARY
Our contract with her made it clear that she signed away the right to the child long before the baby was even conceived.

JENNIFER
I don’t believe that’s possible. That a mother would willingly do that.

ALEX
See?  There it is again! That attitude that you’re better. Why do entitled little rich girls always have this kind of attitude?

JENNIFER
It’s pretty ironic that you’re calling me an entitled rich girl when you and your partner are the ones who just terminated a pregnancy because the child might have a genetic disorder. How is that not entitled?

GARY
JENNIFER! The fetus tested positive for the disease. Kerry was a carrier and she didn’t even know it! Two carriers can generate a positive human being, and that’s what happened. Are you really saying that she should have carried the child to term? Do you really believe that?

LORI
Jen, I think we should go.

JENNIFER
No, we’re not going anywhere. I wanted to go a long time ago, and you made me stay, so now we’re finishing this. (to Gary) Yes, she should have had the baby, positive test or not.

ALEX
That’s very easy for you to say. You have no experience with this.

JENNIFER
I don’t need any experience. I have my faith, and that’s what I use to make my decisions.

ALEX
Oh, don’t start with the God stuff with me now too. How are you even a lesbian with all of this God stuff rolling around?

JENNIFER
That’s exactly what I meant before. You call me an entitled rich girl because I don’t believe the same things you do, which is so typical of you so-called gay liberals. You all LOVE to make people think you’re open to everyone’s viewpoint and everyone’s experience. “I’m so liberal. Anything goes. Everybody has a right. Fair is fair.” Until somebody disagrees with you or believes something that has some tradition behind it, and then you dismiss us as crazy or conservative or I don’t know what. I’m sick of it.

LORI
Jen—

JENNIFER
I am. I put up with the same kind of condescending attitude from your lefty family and all your lesbian friends. I’m so tired of pretending to agree with all of you. I think you’re a bunch of hypocrites who ALSO come from privilege, but you just like to pretend that you’re oppressed and play these victim games. The real victim is that child you aborted.

GARY
I can’t believe that after we’ve opened up our house to you, invited you to our table, you’re insinuating that we aborted our child like we were killing a house fly. You have no idea how difficult that decision was for us. I carried the ultrasound pictures around in my wallet. It was my screensaver picture at work. We were in contract for a new apartment, and we’d already picked out names. For a boy. Kerry was carrying a boy. And yes, even with all that, we made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. At four months. Do you have any idea how difficult it was going to be to raise a child with that many special needs? DO YOU?

JENNIFER
All I know is that God only gives you something that He knows you can handle. That’s what my grandmother told my aunt when she found out she was having twins a month before she was due. And my aunt believed it and everyone turned out just fine.

GARY
Well, that’s great for your grandmother and your aunt and you, but I don’t believe in God, so that advice doesn’t help me with anything. I saw my cousin Jack deteriorate for seven years. He was a beautiful little baby, and then around nine months he just started changing.  His face and body started to grow differently, his development slowed way down. He never walked or even crawled. He was confined to a bed for all of those seven years. And I watched my aunt and uncle struggle every single day after they realized that his condition was permanent and would only get worse. It was awful. When he finally died, my aunt and uncle made it through one more year together and then they divorced. The marriage didn’t survive the illness either. We didn’t want that. We still don’t want that.

ALEX
And if we had to do it all over again we’d make the same decision.

JENNIFER
Unbelievable. That you have so little respect for the life of a child.

GARY
It’s really best if you go. I’ve tried my best to be polite and hospitable, and you’ve ceased to offer me the same level of respect. You talk about people being judgmental.

(Jennifer gets up, gathers her things, and goes to the door. She turns to Lori.)

JENNIFER
Lori, you heard what he said. Get your things and let’s go.

LORI
I can’t believe that the evening ended this way. And I can’t believe that I’m only now finding this out about you.

JENNIFER
What? That I believe in the sanctity of the life of a child?

LORI
That and how rigid you are about it. You’ve never said things like this before.

JENNIFER
I’ve been saying these things all along, you just don’t listen.

LORI
I would never think that you’d be that insensitive to someone else’s experience. Someone else’s pain.

JENNIFER
Insensitive to someone else’s pain. Anyone in this room besides me sensitive to the pain of that child? These two clearly weren’t and their surrogate wasn’t either. Now are you telling me that you can’t understand that too?

LORI
Knowing all that Gary knew about this disease and how it would have changed their lives to have this child, not to mention how much suffering the child would have had, you’re telling me that they should’ve still had the child?

JENNIFER
None of us has any way of knowing what that child’s life would have been like. God is the only one who knows that. Science can predict, but it’s not all knowing.

LORI
I really thought I knew you after all this time, but you’re like a stranger right now. It’s like when we walked through that door, you turned into a stranger.

JENNIFER
I’m not a stranger, Lori. Maybe you’re finally hearing me because of who we’re with. You’re listening differently. I don’t know why you’ve ignored what I had to say all this time, but you have.

LORI
Well, I’m not sure I like what I’m hearing.

JENNIFER
I haven’t liked what I’ve been hearing for a long time, but love is about more than liking what you hear.

(Lori looks at Jennifer. Jennifer turns away and opens the door and exits the apartment. Lori looks at Alex and Gary and then rushes to gather her things.  She moves towards the open apartment door and stops, turning back to the men.)

LORI
Thanks.

(Lori turns and exits the apartment, shutting the door behind her, but we don’t know where she’s going.  Is she going after Jennifer or is she going after something new. Gary and Alex are left staring at the closed door as the lights fade to black.  END OF PLAY)

Artists I admire: Julianne Moore

Last evening after a day of Thanksgiving feasting, we sat down to watch some television and digest our food. We headed into Netflix and landed on a movie called A Single Man from 2009, starring Colin Firth as a college professor in the 1960s who loses his lover of 16 years in a car accident. The film is based on a novel of the same name by Christopher Isherwood and directed by fashion designer Tom Ford. The film is shot beautifully with excellent design and production values, and the acting is strong across the board. Colin Firth is great in the lead role, and he is supported by a fantastic performance from Julianne Moore.

I was so happy when Julianne Moore finally won an Oscar this past year for her role in Still Alice, as I think she's been long overdue. I'm not sure that it's my favorite film of hers, but she played an extraordinary character arc as a woman moving through early onset Alzheimer's. Her ability to track the character's deterioration over time illustrated the level of specificity she brings to her work. Her performance in A Single Man is completely different, but still infused with that same level of specificity. I'm also always impressed by her fearlessness as an actor. When I watch her work, I never feel like she's holding anything back, yet it never feels pushed either. What a gift. Same with her work in Far from Heaven, a role that in any other year would have garnered her an Oscar were it not for Nicole Kidman's work in The Hours.

I always look forward to Julianne Moore's work, and I'm curious to see her next project. For her great skill, commitment, and fearlessness, Julianne Moore is the artist I admire this week.

Packaging terror

Last night I was watching the news before going to bed, and I saw an excerpt of a new ISIS propaganda video that apparently has several versions produced in different languages, including English. There was a section of the video that flashed through the last three or four American presidents, calling them awful names, then landed on a graphic that featured the letters "LGBT" and the word "sodomites" with a voiceover saying something about America being a land of sodomites. In the moment I dismissed it as gibberish, but the images and language kept coming back to me as I tried to fall asleep.

Then I started thinking about other images that I'd seen throughout the day, pumping through the flat screen TV at work or on the Internet news sites that pop up when I open a browser. A graphic with text indicating that Ted Cruz is surging in the Republican presidential polls (Isn't he one of the many Americans who also doesn't care for sodomites?). A young black teenager being shot by police in the streets of Chicago. (Isn't that a violent act that is again terrorizing a whole community of people?). And the list kept running through my head, so much so that I couldn't fall asleep.

Taken generally, there's an alarming overlap between all of these viewpoints and actions, even though I recognize that there are vast differences in circumstances, situations, and levels of violence involved. I'm making the point because I think we need to start looking at how terror works and how it's packaged. If the purpose of terrorism is to terrify, render people immobile out of fear, maybe it would be helpful to think about how actions and symbols that we've come to accept as cultural norms have evolved over time, or have come in a specific moment in time, to represent something terrifying for a particular community of people. We become reactive because of our fear, and as a result, we wage campaigns to restore "order" through violence, whether it be physical or spoken. People can believe what they want to believe about so-called sodomites. Police officers need to do their jobs. But when do beliefs and actions cross over a line and create feelings of terror in other people?

I have no sympathy for ISIS or any other group that uses terror to control people or to make a point, and I want the violence that they propagate to stop. However, on this day before Thanksgiving, I'm just thinking about what it means to have freedom and feeling thankful for that freedom. Part of having freedom is taking the opportunity to self-reflect about how I use that freedom. I'm wondering if we could collectively begin to take a hard look at how we inadvertently terrorize each other because of what we believe to be "right" or "just" or "fair." I believe that the only way to really change the world is to consider what I do to contribute to a given problem, figure out what, if anything, I can do to change my behavior, and then model that change for others. If we looked more carefully at how we package our own terror, maybe we'd become more effective at ending terrorism on a worldwide scale.

Serial Play--entry #8: Fertility

JENNIFER
Well, I guess places have a right to seat people wherever they have space.

ALEX
You would have more experience with this.

JENNIFER
What do you mean?

LORI
Alex…?

ALEX
Your granddad owned a resort up in the mountains?

JENNIFER
What?

LORI (standing up, trying to change the subject)
Alex, can I get another drink please?

GARY
Your parents owned a resort up in the mountains? Which one?

JENNIFER
Not me parents, my grandparents. How did you know that?

(Alex looks at Lori who looks down at the floor.)

JENNIFER
Jesus, Lori—

LORI
I’m sorry, I—

JENNIFER
How many times have I told you--

LORI
What is the big friggin' deal?

JENNIFER
--that I don’t want people to know these things, much less complete strangers.

LORI
They’re not complete strangers.

JENNIFER
They are. Complete strangers. One drunken night at dinner doesn’t make you best friends.

LORI
We could have died!

JENNIFER
But you didn't. And I’m sorry that you think some extraordinary bonding experience happened that night but—

LORI
You weren’t there so you have no way of knowing what that night was like so shut up about it.

JENNIFER
Why should I shut up about this when you won’t shut up about my personal life?

LORI
What is the big deal?  So you’re grandparents owned some property?

ALEX
Well, a resort is a little more than “some property.”

LORI
You're not helping, Alex! I asked you not to say anything!

JENNIFER
What else have you asked him not to say anything about? (Lori does not answer.) Did you hear me?  What else?

ALEX
There’s nothing else.  It’s nothing.

JENNIFER
I don’t know you every well at all, but I can tell you’re lying. You look away just like the girls do when they try to lie at school. 

ALEX
Whatever.

JENNIFER
And the older ones say that when they try to dismiss someone they know is right. What else did she tell you?

ALEX
You wanna know what she told me, Ms. Holy Holy? 

LORI
Alex, just shut up! Both of you just shut up!

ALEX
She told me that you went to private school!  And that your grandparents paid for it! And that you come from privilege.  And that you keep secrets!

JENNIFER (to Lori)
Keep secrets?

LORI
I didn’t say that!  I said I learned some things tonight that I’d never heard before.

ALEX
Whatever.  Same thing.

LORI
Why are you being such a dick?

ALEX
Your girlfriend must bring it out in me.

GARY
Alex, that’s enough.

ALEX
She’s been acting like a prima donna since the moment she walked in here! Judging everything. Looking down her nose at all of us—

GARY
Alex!

ALEX
Oh, Gary, go drop some more food on the floor why don’t you? If you’d just fucking pay attention to what you're doing instead of flitting around here all the time like some—

JENNIFER
He made a mistake, Alex. Give him a break.

ALEX
You really surprise me. I’d expect a spoiled, rich girl to have farm less patience for such stupid mistakes around food and service.

JENNIFER
You’ve got it all wrong.

ALEX
I’m sure I don’t have it all wrong.

LORI
Leave her alone, Alex.

ALEX
Why do you keep defending her?  You’re so much more interesting, so much more fun!  Why are you even with her?  She comes in here, won’t even have a drink, sits there judging the rest of us—

LORI
We’re trying to have a baby, OK?

(Alex stops.)

GARY
What?

LORI
Jennifer's not drinking because we’re trying to have a baby and she's going to carry it. Alright?  She’s got an appointment this week for her first insemination, and she’s trying to—

GARY (going to Jennifer)
What great news! We’re trying too!

JENNIFER
You are?

GARY
We are!

JENNIFER
Wow! Such a coincidence!

GARY
Yeah!  It is!

(Jennifer tentatively hugs Gary back. It’s her first attempt at any kind of physical connection with anyone else that we’ve seen.)

ALEX
Wow. Uh, wow… I’m uh…really sorry. Jesus. (to Lori) Why didn’t you say something? 

LORI
I was trying to tell you before, but we obviously started talking about other stuff. And then they came back when you were telling me about you guys, and I didn’t have the chance.

(Alex is still stunned into near silence, and his embarrassment is very apparent. Jennifer and Lori are silent and won’t look at each other.)

GARY
So let’s sit down and have some dinner.

LORI
Gary--?

GARY
What? … It’s getting cold! We didn’t walk all the way there and back to have this  go to waste. (Moving to the table)  Jennifer, have a seat right here. Lori, you go here.  Alex will be here, and I’ll sit here.  Lemme just go open a bottle of the red wine to have with dinner.  Let’s switch over. And I’ll bring in a bottle of sparkling water?

JENNIFER
Sounds great.

(Gary exits leaving Jennifer, Lori, and Alex standing there in awkward silence. Jennifer looks at the table and then towards the kitchen, after Gary.)

JENNIFER (moving towards the table)
Where did he say he wanted me?

LORI
Jennifer?

JENNIFER (moving to the place at the table)
I think it was here.  Is this right, Alex?

ALEX
Huh?

JENNIFER
Is this where I'm supposed to sit?

LORI
What are you doing?

JENNIFER
I’m sitting down where Gary told me to sit. You should do the same.

LORI
But—

JENNIFER
Us “spoiled, rich girls” are great at dinner parties when there’s tension.  Happens all the time.

LORI
I think we should go.

JENNIFER
Our gracious hosts have gone to all of this trouble to host us for this lovely dinner party, and you’re suggesting we leave?

LORI
Don’t pull this shit now.

JENNIFER
I’m not pulling any shit. Where are your manners, for God’s sake? 

LORI
Now you’re being ridiculous.

JENNIFER
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

(Gary comes back into the room with four glasses, a bottle of red, and a bottle of Perrier. Lori shakes her head, moves to her chair, and sits down.)

GARY
Alex, are you coming?

ALEX (still a bit dazed)
What?

GARY (pointing)
Have a seat there. Start passing the food.

ALEX
Right. OK. (He follows Gary’s instructions.)

(There’s silence as Gary pours three glasses of the wine and the water for Jennifer, and Alex passes the bowls of food around the table.)

GARY (sitting at his place)
So who is your doctor?

JENNIFER
For the fertility process?

GARY
Yes, for the fertility process. I’m always curious to find out where other couples are going, what their experience is like, you know, the whole she-bang.

JENNIFER (looking at Lori who doesn’t return the look)
Uh, OK. Well, we’re going to Dr. Kramer. Her practice is on 78th and Madison. She’s the daughter of a friend of my father, and she had great ratings on our insurance website. So we met with her about two years ago and—

GARY
You’ve been trying for that long?

JENNIFER (again looking at Lori)
Uh, sort of.

GARY
What does “sort of” mean?

(Jennifer looks to Lori who is drinking her wine. She notices that Gary and Alex are also looking at her, so she puts the wine down and leans forward.)

LORI (like it's a secret)
Jennifer is now modeling what she wishes I would do for her.  Right, honey?

(Silence.)

LORI
We started our process with Dr. Kramer with the assumption that I would carry the baby, that it would be my egg, and I would be the biological mother. But that didn’t work out.

GARY
What happened?

ALEX
Gary, maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it?

GARY
Oh. Oh! Oh.  I’m sorry

LORI
No, I’m fine to talk about it. We found a donor that we liked, we made the connection, and I was inseminated. (she takes a drink of wine) Nothing happened. We tried again. Nothing happened. After five attempts, we decided that maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

JENNIFER
But Lori really wanted to have a baby. It’s less important—   Sorry. Was less important to me, but when I realized how much Lori wanted it, I figured I’d give it a try.

GARY
So great. You and Alex are so much alike. (He takes a sip of his wine and smiles.)

ALEX
Huh?

JENNIFER
How so?

GARY
Well, something similar happened to us.

ALEX
I think it’s a lot different, Gary.

GARY
How so?  It’s like fate makes the choice, right?  Fate, or nature, or—

JENNIFER
God?

GARY
OK…sure, if that’s what you believe, we can say God. But whatever force it is, so much of it is out of our control. I mean so much of human life is just not what we think it is in terms of our ability to control it. You know, we think because modern medicine is so advanced that doctors can do anything, but it’s just not the case.  They can do a lot, but they can’t do everything. They can’t save everyone. They can’t solve all of our problems.  We want to think they can, but they can’t. They have no way of knowing what’s really going to happen when they tell you those statistics about diseases or traits or characteristics.

ALEX
OK, Gary, that’s—

GARY
It’s true.  We put so much faith in these people who pay all this money for this specialized training and spend hours working long shifts to get their residency hours, and then they continue to be mentored, supposedly, and they do professional development, supposedly, and yet they still don’t always know what the fuck they’re doing!  I mean all the money they make, the fancy cars they drive, the vacations they take, and they still fuck things up.  For people. Who just simply want to have a child.

(There’s silence after this.  Gary picks up his wine glass and drains it.)

GARY (picking up the wine bottle)
More wine?

LORI
I’m good.

ALEX
Gary, maybe you should—

GARY (pouring the rest of the bottle into his glass)
I’m fine.

Artists I admire: Harley Erdman

When I was a graduate student at UMASS-Amherst, I had a dramaturgy professor named Harley Erdman. He had arrived at UMASS the year before I started, so he was also relatively new to the department when I started in September 1995.

Harley became an important part of my graduate school experience, and I'm happy to say that he continues to be an artistic and academic mentor for me. I learned how to teach by serving as Harley's teaching assistant over four semesters, and he guided me through my master's thesis project as my committee chair.

One of the most important lessons Harley taught me came in the second semester of my first year. For our dramaturgy workshop course, we had to select an Elizabethan or Jacobean play and prepare a script for production, focused primarily on cutting and glossing. Glossing is the process of replacing words that have fallen from the current lexicon with more contemporary equivalents. In a verse play, those replacements need to match the original rhythm of the line. The project was daunting, but I wanted to make an impression. At that time, I thought I wanted to make a career out of directing plays from this particular period, and I thought I really knew what I was doing. Ah, youth...

I set to work on my cut and gloss of John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi, and after several weeks of work, I proudly submitted my production script. I had cut quite a bit of the superfluous language, and I felt confident that the script was way more accessible for a contemporary audience.

Three professors read the cut and gloss, and each of them had different thoughts and opinions about what I had done. Harley's comments were balanced between positive and critical, but he gave me one piece of feedback that has stayed with me for 20 years. Harley wrote that while I had successfully cut the play and streamlined the plot, I had also cut some of more beautiful moments of poetry from the play. Some of what makes the play special had been cut away for the sake of what I thought was clearer storytelling. I unconsciously silenced my artistic sensitivities for the sake of making something more efficient.

Sounds like a simple piece of feedback, but it's had lasting impacts beyond cutting and glossing a play for production. I often think of Harley's feedback when I'm collaborating with a writer on a new play. I try to be sensitive to why a piece of writing might be there, even if it seems to be "extra." I also try to listen to my own text and the text of other writers multiple times before I make or suggest a cut. I don't want to cut the poetry or the poetic moment without giving it ample time to work in a reading or performance.

That moment in May 1996 represents just one of the many lessons I've learned from Harley Erdman, and that learning continues as he models what it means to be an accomplished academic and a working playwright, adapter, and translator. Harley's feedback had a domino effect into other areas of my artistic work for which I am most grateful, and that's why he's the artist I admire for this week.