Serial Play--entry #6: Secret's out

GARY
Whatever you say, dear.

ALEX
Gary...?

GARY
He hates it when I say "dear".

ALEX
My grandmother who could barely see or hear towards the end would say that to my grandfather all the time. Just to shut him up.  Made him furious. Drives me crazy when I hear it.

GARY
OK, enough with the dirty laundry. They’ve already seen and heard way too much and we're barely past the finger foods.

ALEX (deep breath)
So we've got an order of saag with chicken, chicken vindaloo, tandoori chicken, and the chick pea dish I can't say. Then an order of pakora, an order of samosas, and plenty of naan. Then four orders of surprise me rice. Good?

LORI
Ours is right. (raises her glass)

GARY
Double the pakora and samosas and then we're dandy.

ALEX (marking his list)
We're set. I'll place the order.

GARY
And I'll mix you a drink.

(Gary exits to the kitchen and Alex picks up his phone to call in the order.)

ALEX (while dialing)
We’re really not this bad all the time. Long week.

LORI
It’s fine. You should hear us sometimes.

JENNIFER
Lori!

LORI
Oh, c’mon.  What’s the difference?

ALEX (on the phone)
Yeah, hi? . . . Yeah, it’s Alex. Right. . . . . Yeah, it’s been a couple of weeks. . . . We were away for work.  Yes.  Yes. Right. . . You have the number, yeah? . . . Good. Yeah, I’d like an order of the chicken saag, an order of the chicken vindaloo. . .

JENNIFER (whispering to Lori)
Just because they’re doing it doesn’t mean we have to.

LORI (taking a drink)
Whatever…

ALEX (on the phone)
No, there’s more. . . .Yeah we have some some guests.  Yeah. An order of the tandoori chicken and an order of #27. . . #27. . . Right the chick pea dish. . . Yeah, that one.  And then four orders of rice. . . . Uh, yeah two white rices and then surprise me with the other two. . . . Surprise me. . . .Like you make the choice. . . Our guests want to experiment. . . .YES. You make the choice for the other two. . . Hold on there’s more. . . . Yeah we’re hungry. . . .  So two orders of naan, two orders of the samosas, and two orders of the pakora. . . And you send sauces, right? . . . Great. . . . Oh, no, actually, we’ll pick up. . . . Yeah, I’m serious. . . .How long will it be? . . .OK. We’ll be right there. (hangs up) The benefits and deficits of being a regular. (towards the kitchen) Gary! It’s ready in 15 minutes!

GARY (returning with Jennifer’s water)
That fast?

ALEX
He said they’re not so busy for some reason.

GARY
OK, I’ll leave now.

JENNIFER
I’ll come with you.

GARY
No, it’s fine. You should stay here and relax. You’re our guest.

JENNIFER
I’d love the walk.

GARY
But your water.

JENNIFER
It’ll be here when we get back.

ALEX
He can handle it, Jennifer. It’s just a couple of bags.

LORI (with another drink)
Let her go. She needs the walk.

JENNIFER
Yeah, thanks.

GARY
OK, then. Just let me get my wallet.  (He exits to the hallway to get his wallet in their bedroom.)

LORI (to Alex)
Aren’t you gonna have another drink?

ALEX
Yeah, I was going to, but Gary never brought it in.

LORI
Huh.

ALEX
Yeah, huh.

(Gary re-enters)

ALEX
Where’s my drink?

GARY
Uh, you told me to get the food, so I didn’t mix the drink. Do you want me to do it before I leave?

ALEX
Nope. Go get the food.

GARY (towards the kitchen)
It’ll only take a minute.

ALEX
Just GO, I said. Get the food. I’m sure we’re all starving.

LORI
Ravenous!

GARY (ignoring them both, to Jennifer)
Ready?

(Jennifer nods, puts down her glass, and walks to the door.)

LORI (raising her glass)
Hurry back!

(Jennifer looks at her before leaving the apartment. Gary exits after her and shuts the door. Lori is still on the couch, and Alex is standing there.)

ALEX
Jesus.

LORI
Yeah.

ALEX
I really need a drink.

LORI
Number two is going down just fine here.

ALEX
Lemme catch up.

LORI
What are you waiting for?

(Alex heads into the kitchen, but the two continue talking.)

ALEX (offstage, sounds of cocktail shaker under conversation)
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

LORI
WHAT?

ALEX
THAT LITTLE PISSY PARTY.

LORI
OH. THAT. (she takes a drink) THAT’S JUST JEN. I MEAN “JENNIFER.” (she takes another drink) PARDON ME. NOTHING’S EASY, RIGHT?

ALEX
TELL ME ABOUT IT. (shaking stops)

LORI
I MEAN SHE CAN BE SO UPTIGHT SOMETIMES. I’M SORRY IF SHE’S MAKING THIS A REAL BUMMER. (drains the glass) SHE’S A BIT OF A WORRIER. . . . ABOUT EVERYTHING…

(Alex re-enters with his cocktail.)

ALEX (raising his glass)
Cheers!

(Lori raises her empty glass.)

ALEX
Why didn’t you tell me you needed another?

LORI
Cause I think holding right here is a better choice. At least until there’s some more food.

ALEX (scoffs)
Uh, yeah. Sorry about this. It’s just par for the course.

LORI
Not the first time?

ALEX
Not exactly. (takes a drink) Gary’s never dropped the dinner on the floor, but there are plenty of other shitty moments like this where a night gets derailed because he does something stupid.

LORI
Like what?

ALEX
Oh, there’s the time he cooked dinner for my brother and his family and used pine nuts in the sauce. We get halfway through the dinner, and my nephew’s face is bright red and his little hands are swelling. My sister-in-law asked what was in the sauce, then proceeds to scream and run for her purse. 

LORI
Shit.

ALEX
Nut allergy.

LORI
Sure.

ALEX
Out comes the epi-pen and the cell phone, and the next thing I know NYPD and FDNY are in my apartment with a stretcher and my nephew is on oxygen and out the door.

LORI
Dinner is served.

ALEX
The only consolation was the hot firemen.

LORI
Amen!

ALEX
But they didn’t stay long.

LORI
Was your nephew ok?

ALEX
Fine after a night in the hospital.

LORI
Kids are resilient. How old?

ALEX
He was 7.  9 now.

LORI
Glad it turned out OK.

ALEX
They haven’t been back for dinner since.

LORI
Do you blame them?

ALEX
I guess not...

LORI
I wouldn’t have thought of Gary as someone who makes mistakes.

ALEX
No one does. He doesn’t make mistakes anywhere else. For some reason, they always happen here. In our house. On occasions like this.

LORI
Huh.

(There is silence as Alex takes another drink.)

ALEX
So…Is she always that way?

LORI
Jen?

ALEX
“Jennifer”

LORI
Ah yes, excuse me. “Jennifer.” Yeah, that’s pretty much her.

ALEX
I mean she's like you told us she would be, but I’m kinda surprised that’s who you’re with.

(Lori doesn’t say anything.)

ALEX
I mean . . . uh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that (takes a drink) That was really outta—

LORI
No, I understand. I know.

ALEX
Really, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just—

LORI
It’s OK, I’ve heard it before. Opposites attract, right?

ALEX
I’m not so sure I’d say you were opposites in the way that people mean when they say “opposites attract.”  It’s just that… (finishes his drink) you’re just so different is all.

LORI
Do you mean we’re different or I’m different.

ALEX
You two seem very different.

LORI
How?

ALEX
Jennifer just acts so…

LORI
Uptight?

ALEX
It’s more than that. It’s like she’s stuck or something. Or hiding?  Is that it?  Hiding?

LORI
She doesn’t like to talk about herself very much. She gets mad when I tell people things about her.

ALEX
Why?

LORI
It’s complicated.

ALEX
So our time in Boston must have made her really happy.

LORI
Yeah, well, after being together for awhile, I’ve learned not to say so much. I’m pretty good when I’m sober, but loose lips sink ships, and mine get real loose with the booze.

ALEX
So she thinks we know too much about her?

LORI
She’s upset that you know about our past.

ALEX
That she was your student?

LORI
Uh, yeah.

ALEX
What’s the big deal?

LORI
No idea.

ALEX
It happens all the time, right? You academics play by a whole different set of rules when it comes to that stuff. At least that’s what I hear.

LORI
As with many things, you hear about it with the men all the time, and we just sweep it aside as boys being boys, but women are much quieter or sneakier or something. And then when it comes up, there are all sorts of eye brows raised.

ALEX
It’s no different though.

LORI
Eh, it’s a little different. Different power dynamics.

ALEX
Still teacher-student.

LORI
But different between two women. Seems to be less taboo on the surface, but then it gets all Children’s Hour.

ALEX
Children’s Hour?

LORI
It’s a play.

ALEX
Oh. I don’t know it.

LORI
No loss.

(Silence as Alex takes this in.)

ALEX
But it still upsets her that people know?

LORI
It does. She’s very private about it.

ALEX
She’s gotta know we don’t care. (gesturing around the apartment) Judgment-free zone.

LORI
Doesn’t matter. She’s fine about a lot of stuff, but not about that.

ALEX
Well, we can just tell her that—

LORI
NO, you cannot say anything. She’ll flip and we’ll never make it through dinner.

ALEX
I think you’re being way too protective.

LORI
Alex, please? You don’t have to go home with her tonight.  I do.  DO NOT say anything.

ALEX
OK, OK.  So weird. … I can’t believe it’s such a big deal.

LORI
Believe me. It’s a big deal.

Artists I admire: Shakespeare

Last evening in my Shakespeare class, I had one of those humbling reminder moments that tend to happen when I least expect it.

For people who know me, this week's entry is a no-brainer. I love Shakespeare's plays, I've been teaching courses about the plays for years, and I've directed a number of youth theatre productions of the plays.

Four of my students presented scenes from Measure for Measure last evening, which is my favorite comedy. I've directed it with young people, I've got a passage from it tattooed on my arm, and I love the darkness of it.

The humbling part came when I watched two actors play a scene between Angelo and Isabella, when Angelo first announces that Isabella can save her brother Claudio from death if she agrees to have sex with him. The actor playing Angelo made very bold choices, and she helped me to see something about this character who is described as having blood as cold as ice. The request for Isabella to have sex with him does not come easy, and that's where the comedy lies.  It's the character's internal wrestling match with even posing the question that brings out why an Elizabethan/Jacobean audience might have laughed, and why we should too.  The actors took the note, explored this notion, and gave one of the most memorable workshops of a scene in my time teaching this class. Truly enlightening. They taught me something about the play and these characters.

Because Shakespeare managed to create plays and characters that seem to be bottomless in possibilities for exploration and discovery, I'm citing him as the artist I admire this week.

Leaning too far forward

I've trained with Jonathan Angelilli for over a decade, and with his help and support I've gone from having chronic low back pain and minimal core strength to running four marathons, enjoying spin class, and even doing pull ups. Jonathan has found any number of ways to help me understand the connection between the body and the mind, and that understanding has changed the way I feel about myself and the importance of physical activity in my life. And not just to be “physically fit.”

Case in point:

Over the last six weeks, my weekly training sessions with Jonathan have included about 30 minutes of boxing, a physical activity I never thought I'd do. I'm not actually in a ring sparring, but I'm learning punches and combinations that make for a very good workout.

We've been working on a right cross, and throwing that punch benefits from a pivot on the right back foot, a "putting out the cigarette" motion. I can throw the punch, but the pivot gives me trouble. The reason? Not enough weight on my back foot: I tend to lean into the punch, too far forward, and then I’m off balance and more susceptible to getting knocked down. My weight isn't centered on both feet, making the cross less effective because there’s less strength behind it. I'm getting better with each session, but more importantly, I'm starting to make connections beyond the act of throwing the punch.

Leaning too far forward when I try to throw the punch functions as a larger metaphor for many things in my life. Over the last two years I've worked to embrace the concept of "less is more," that sometimes what feels like less effort actually yields better results or greater progress in the end. I saw this play out first in my running, where fewer training runs translated into a less painful marathon. I've also seen it in weight training, where less visible struggle (scrunching up my face, grunting, "performing" my exertion) yields smoother and more efficient repetitions.

I've also started to notice a difference in my teaching and art making. Less time pounding away in a rehearsal translates into more focused creation with stronger choices based on instinct rather than on overthinking. When singing, if I relax and allow my jaw to drop rather than tightening up all the muscles in my face and “winding up,” the note comes out with a much clearer tone. If the assessment techniques in my teaching are more efficient, I have more energy in the actual class itself to engage with students.

I came of age as an artist and a teacher, really as a human being, thinking that “more effort” always equaled “better results,” and I’ve come to question whether that’s always the case. That said, I do understand that my hard work has brought me lots of success. Yet as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I'm learning that my "hard work" can sometimes be like throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. That's what the leaning forward represents for me. Sometimes the lean forward is an overcompensation, an unnecessary effort that repels rather than draws in. The leaning forward takes me off balance, opens me up to get knocked on my ass. By maintaining balance on both feet, my right hook has more power because my right foot pivots and throws more weight behind the punch. Maybe if I stay centered with my “weight” equally distributed and concentrate my effort when I make art or when I teach, I can strike a stronger metaphorical blow, have greater impact, deepen an audience's understanding.

Less effort can be different effort; it is by no means lazy. Throw some hip into it. It feels really good. Especially when there's balance.

Serial Play--entry #5: Cumin Castle

JENNIFER
Gary said that I’m just like you said I’d be.  What did you tell them I’d be?

(At this moment, the vacuum goes on in the kitchen. Lori smiles, shrugs her shoulders, and kisses Jennifer again.)

JENNIFER (over the vacuuming sounds)
What did you say to them about me?

LORI (mouthing the words and smiling sheepishly)
I can’t hear you.

JENNIFER (over the vacuum sounds)
Very funny!

(The two sit in silence as the vacuum runs. Lori picks up a book from the coffee table and starts to look at it. The vacuum stops.)

LORI
This is the exhibit you wanted to see?

JENNIFER
Yeah, it was a bunch of Frank Lloyd Wright's sketches. I've been kind of obsessed with him since I was a kid.

LORI
Why?

JENNIFER
My dad was into architecture and one summer we took a road trip to see different examples of Frank Lloyd Wright. My mom was the navigator--

LORI
Your mom?

JENNIFER
I know. Doesn't seem possible now.

LORI
She acts like she can barely find her way to the grocery store.

JENNIFER
Well, this was before she stopped working. My dad wasn't department chair at this point, still a junior professor, so she had to work.

LORI
Doing what?

JENNIFER
She worked as a bank teller.

LORI
A bank teller?

JENNIFER
Yeah.

LORI
Your mom seems so…I don’t know. Not math oriented?

JENNIFER
She's actually really good at math.  And a lot tougher than she looks.

LORI
We've spents lots of time with your family--

JENNIFER
Too much probably--

LORI
--and I would never in a thousand years guess that you’re mom worked as a bank teller.

JENNIFER
Well, she did. And that summer when I was in 2nd grade and Stephen was in 4th, my parents rented a mobile home and we drove for three weeks to these different Frank Lloyd Wright buildings. Fallingwater was my favorite.

LORI
Fallingwater?

JENNIFER
It's a house that Wright built in Pennsylvania. Near Pittsburgh. Here, let me see the book.

(Jennifer takes the book from Lori, and she pages through.)

JENNIFER
Not seeing any images of Fallingwater.

LORI
I'm learning all sorts of new things about you here.

JENNIFER
What do you mean?

LORI
It's like this place brings out all your secrets or something.

JENNIFER
I wouldn't really call this a secret. It's just stuff we never talked about. I'm sure there are plenty of things about you that we've never talked about, right?

(Jennifer continues to look through the book. Lori doesn't answer.)

JENNIFER (looking up)
Right?

LORI
Sure.

(Lori smiles and finishes her drink and puts it down. Gary comes back in from the hallway in a new shirt.)

GARY (doing a little twirl)
All clean.

LORI (dove claps)
Lovely!

GARY
I better go check and see if Alex is still speaking to me.

LORI
It's much better in there now, I'm sure.

GARY
Fingers crossed!

(Gary exits into the kitchen. Jennifer puts down the book and sits down next to Lori on the couch.)

JENNIFER
So what did you tell them about me?

LORI
Why do you keep asking?

JENNIFER
Because it's weird being around people who know things about me when I know nothing about them. And I don't know what you told them about me and that makes it--

LORI
I told them you’re a teacher. I told them that you are very sweet and pretty. That we've known each other for a long time but didn't get together until 6 years ago, that you like--

JENNIFER
Why did you tell them that?

LORI
What? That you’re very sweet and pretty?

JENNIFER
Cut it out. You know what I'm talking about.

LORI
Why shouldn’t I tell them?

JENNIFER
My gosh, Lori!

LORI
What's wrong with them knowing?

JENNIFER
I just don't think it’s something that everyone needs to know.

LORI
Look, I was with Alex and Gary alone for a long time. After we realized about the accident, at the dinner we drank a lot, the next morning we had a long car ride back here. We talked about all sorts of things.

JENNIFER
But that stuff is really personal about me.

LORI
And?

JENNIFER
And I don't think you have the right to just tell total strangers about my past.

LORI
What are you so afraid of?

JENNIFER
I'm not afraid of anything.  I just don’t feel that—

(Alex and Gary re-enter from the kitchen. Gary carries a number of take out menus, and Alex takes the vacuum back over to the closet and puts it away.)

GARY
So we've got Thai Paradise, Golden Choice Chinese, Neighborhood's Best BBQ, Tip of the Boot Italian, and Cumin Castle. Any of those sound tempting?

ALEX
We've eaten at all of them.

LORI
Jennifer's vegetarian so...

JENNIFER
Whatever is fine. I'm sure I can find--

GARY
Let's eliminate the BBQ.

ALEX
And we had Chinese last night.

LORI
Jennifer cooked Italian this past week.

JENNIFER
But I--

GARY
That leaves us with Thai Paradise or Cumin Castle.

LORI
What's Cumin Castle?

GARY
Indian fusion.

LORI
Fused with what?

ALEX
It's a good question. We haven't quite figured it out yet.

GARY
All we know is that it goes great with red wine.

LORI
Is it spicy?

GARY
Uh...?

ALEX
Yes.

LORI
Jen?

JENNIFER
Anything will be fine.

LORI
Right, but spicy is--

JENNIFER
--fine with me. I'll find something.

ALEX
We can totally go with Thai.

JENNIFER
I LOVE INDIAN FOOD.

(Alex and Gary look at the women who are staring at each other a little too intently. Then they look at each other.)

ALEX
OK then. Cumin Castle it is. Do you want to look at the menu?

LORI (taking the menu)
Sure, we'll take a look.

GARY
And while you're deciding, how about I make some drinks?  Alex can choose for me. He knows what I like.

LORI
What do you usually get?

GARY
I get saag with chicken.

LORI
Is that on the menu?

GARY
It's not but they make it for me anyway.

LORI
Alex?

ALEX
Chicken vindaloo.

GARY
Who wants a drink?

LORI
I'll have another round.

ALEX
Same.

GARY
Jennifer?

JENNIFER
Some more water would be great.

GARY
I've got plenty of wine?

JENNIFER
I'm good with the water.  Thanks. Can I see the menu?

(Lori hands her the menu and Gary exits.)

ALEX
OK, let me get a piece of paper and pen to take your order. (To Lori) For the lady?

LORI
I'll have the tandoori chicken with an order of naan--

ALEX
Oh, the naan is complimentary.

LORI
Well then. Fancy.  How about an order of pakora to start?

ALEX
You got it. What kind of rice?

LORI
Whatever. Surprise me.

ALEX (writing)
One surprise rice. (To Jennifer) And for the other lady?

JENNIFER (still looking at the menu)
Uh...I think I'll have this chick pea dish. (Pointing to the menu)

ALEX
I don't know to say it, but I'll write it down.

JENNIFER
And I'll start with--

LORI
Is that the chick pea dish with the chili symbol next to it?  Should you be having--

JENNIFER
It's fine, Lori.

LORI
But you aren't--

JENNIFER (ignoring her)
And I'll have an order of the samosas to start. And make mine a surprise rice too.

ALEX
Two surprise rices. Any sauces?

LORI
They'll probably send some, right?

ALEX
I think so.

(Gary comes in with Lori's drink.)

ALEX
Do they send sauces?

GARY
Yeah, lots of them.

ALEX
What kind of rice?

GARY
Whatever it comes with.

ALEX
OK. Should I have it delivered?

GARY
Why don't I just go pick it up?  It's a block away? I dropped the dinner all over the floor. I can go pick up our food.

ALEX (to the women)
This is a first. It'll snow tomorrow.

GARY
Oh, shut up. You make out like I never do anything.

ALEX
Well, that's the first time in 11 years of being together that you've ever offered to pick up the takeout.

GARY
Whatever you say, dear.

ALEX
Gary...?

GARY
He hates it when I say "dear".

ALEX
My grandmother who could barely see or hear towards the end would say that to my grandfather all the time. Just to shut him up.  Made him furious. Drives me crazy when I hear it.

GARY
OK, enough with airing our laundry. The girls have already seen and heard way too much and we're barely past the finger foods.

ALEX (deep breath)
So we've got an order of saag with chicken, chicken vindaloo, tandoori chicken, and the chick pea dish I can't say. Then an order of pakora, an order of samosas, and plenty of naan. Then four orders of surprise me rice. Good?

GARY
Double the pakora and samosas and then we're dandy.

ALEX (marking his list)
We're set. I'll place the order.

GARY
And I'll mix you a drink.

(Gary exits to the kitchen and Alex picks up his phone to call in the order.)

Artists I admire: Sarah Ruhl

My first experience with playwright Sarah Ruhl's work came with Eurydice produced by Second Stage in NYC. My friend Jenni Werner had an extra ticket, and she brought me along. I remember a number of different visual moments from the play, but more importantly, I remember not being able to get out of my seat for a long time after it was done. I think it was the summer of 2007, which would have been less than a year after the death of my first partner, and I think my inability to move came from the fact that Sarah Ruhl had captured something incredibly poignant and real about loss and grief through her writing in the play. Honestly, I have not gone back and read the play. The memory of how it affected me is so clear, and I don't want to distort that.

Fast forward to earlier this year when my former student, now friend and colleague, Jess Honovich gave me a copy of Sarah Ruhl's 100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write.  This book of essays contains any number of excellent pieces of advice, astute observations about the theatrical process, and very funny reflections on being human. I admire Sarah Ruhl for her honesty and transparency in these essays; I've dogearred many pages, as I know I will need to revisit her wisdom in the future. Case in point, here's a great nugget:

"Be suspicious of an expert who tells you to cut a seemingly unnecessary moment out of your play. The soul of your play might reside there, quietly, inconspicuously, glorying in its unnecessariness, shining forth in its lack of necessity to be. The word 'expert' was invented after the Renaissance, a time when plays sallied forth in all their beautiful ignorance."

Because of her profound understanding of grief and the gift that she gave me with Eurydice and because she has continues to produce important plays and essays while being a mom and a teacher of young writers, I highlight Sarah Ruhl as the artist I admire this week.